Famed-in-small-circles idea haver, David J Proskopetz had an idea about what if fantasy races had unique reproductive cycles. Most of that post isn't relevant to what I'm about to write, so I'll quote the part that really grabbed my attention.
"Goblins were created by alchemy as servants for an evil wizard, but immediately stole their own formula and rebelled. New goblins are brewed in big brass cauldrons full of exotic reagents; each village keeps a single cauldron in a central location, and emerging goblings are raised by the whole community, with no concept of parentage or lineage. Sometimes they like to add stuff to the goblin soup just to see what happens – there are a lot of weird goblins."
Now here's the thing that I love about this, is that there are a whole lot of ways you can take this. Goblins can have cultural distinctions based on how they treat the stews they are born from. They can have differing rules or lack of rules for what is allowed into the stew. Different names for their cauldrons, whether they have cauldrons or just pits in the ground, the possibilities are endless! I'm going to restrict myself to four cultures in this post thought.
But first some additions to the general idea.
First is the backstory, and how it's utterly inconsistent. While some claim a wizard made the goblins, others say that they rose from the blood of a god or that all life came from soup and everyone has strayed from the natural order of things.
Second is that one trait that goblins usually have is that they can smell and taste if there's something wrong with their stew. A bit like how how some people can smell if there's a cold on you.
Third, is that goblins are for the most part asexual, aromatic and genderless. That's not to say they lack love, they are social animals just like humans, but without as much focus on specific individuals. Where humans art and poetry is obsessed with the idea of the soul mate, goblins believe that finding the right squad will bring them everlasting happiness. This is a very general trend, but individual goblins are as varied as humans.
Lastly, is that the size of a soupborn is based on how long they have floated in the pot. At first a tiny little goblet is formed, than an additional layer coating after coating of goblin gets added. Most goblins are the size of short human because that's big enought to move not get crushed by absolutely everything but small enought so they don't have to eat that much. If you cut open a goblin, their flesh is ringed like a tree, this becomes more obvious the larger a goblin gets, which is why it's well known that ogres have layers.
Brewer Tribes
Hobs and gobs, sniggs and snogs, ogre, wogre, troll. They usually leave everyone alone in their swamps and caves, but sometimes the buggers will steal livestock or attempt to sell either infernal contraptions or get-rich-quick schemes. The one thing that they respect is booze. If you bring them a bottle they will treat you as a friend, if you can brew than they will treat you with reverence.From the outsider's perspective a goblin village is a complete mess, while that is true there is system to it. The center of a village is the pit or if they are well off, the cauldron that acts as a central hearth and heart of the village. They are born from the cauldron and in death they are thrown back to the cauldron to reincarnate once more. Around the the cauldron is a ramshackle structure where goblins, congregate, eat and sleep. The air is moist and warm, the smell is potent and sticks to your skin, home sweet home. Around the main hut at variable distances are workshops, tool sheds and storehouses for all the things that disturb the soup or would be disturbed by the soup, most importantly the breweries.
Witches hold a special position in this culture, as wise persons and keepers of power. Witches are defined as anyone who can brew booze, and their power and wisdom is ranked by the quality of their spirits. You can split mountains and make dragons bow with your magic, but if you can't make a good ale than your kind of a phoney in the eyes of a goblin. A number of tribes have been converted to not-christianity by monks who know how to make beer. Closest thing to a king or chief in a goblin tribe is a Spoon Master, who has a few important duties, first to stir the soup for optimal thickness without killing any developing goblets, second to fish out the goblets once thier ready and finally to veto bad additions to the stew, traditionally with a smack of the spoon. Another important tradition is that Witches get more sway in the bickering over the soup.
GLOG Racial Features:
Perk:
Mutation: Roll for a mutation on a nicer mutation table.
Drawback:
Mutation: Roll for a mutation on a meaner mutation table.
Or roll on the Scrambled Race Table.
Armies of Darkness
The troops of the dark lord. Orcs and ogres, gretchlings and hobgoblins. Wretched things with clawed hands that pillage and plunder. They break and crunch all things beautiful and spit out mush. They only live by pain and hate. Their unfortunately easy to produce as well once you secure a cauldron. Many a petty warlord and maniacal wizard use them as canon fodder in their armies. It's growing increasingly common that wars aren't fought by noble knights but goblins pitted against each other in terrible brawls.A goblin born in a war cauldron is a pitiful thing indeed. They don't have any access to it for one thing. human or other monster keeps a tight control over it, which leaves the goblin alienated and effectively orphaned. This also makes a goblin born ill for cruel lords don't fuss about a brew as a goblin can and will. Cruel lords demand obedience from goblins and punishes the slightest error. Thus a goblin learns deceit and duplicity. Cruel lords tell goblins that they are made for a purpose and must serve it, and the poor goblin tries. Needless to say, goblins make for horrible soldiers and while armies of darkness always cause a lot of history to happen they really bring victory.
It's frightfully easy to get an army of darkness to turn against it's master. A single spark of hope or a little bit of truth is enought. There are several tricky bits thought, they generally react poorly to overt good and nice things, if it looks to good to be true they will suspect a trap. There's also the issue what do they do once their free.
GLOG Racial Features:
Perk:
Grunt: You can effortlessly feign loyalty, appear to be busy and lie with a straight face. Most people will underestimate your intelligence by default.
Drawback:
Mutation: Gain a random mutation, from a mutation table that has a fair few nasty results.
Or roll on the Scrambled Race Table until you get something kinda pitiful.
Wild Things of the Arboreal Forest
Orc, woodwose, beastman, trolls. These fanged and shaggy creatures carve eyes on their spears to always strike true and teeth on their shields to break the opponent's blade. They pay homage to the master of the Boar's Wood, an old and brooding god. They are renowned for always seeking out the biggest toughest thing to fight. An average one can wrestle a bear into submission and their champions are rumored to have suplexed giants. They are often found in mercenary companys but always side against the strongest side and don't accept coin for their service. They only throw great beasts and mighty heroes into their pots, to ensure that the next generation grows up stronger, smarter and deadlier. Orcs are known to even raise powerful monsters for the purposes of the pot.While the culture of the beastmen is focused on the idea of glory in combat and always taking on the baddest guy in the room, they still have a sense of self-preservation and personal interest. If an orc band hears about the death of a dragon they are just as likely to challenge it's slayer as it is to murder them in the dead of night and taking credit for the feat. While they do have a reputation for not taking pay, they work under the assumption that they will be given gifts generally of live-stock and weapons. Most will decline any gifts given to them but will become upset if you don't insist on giving them what they want. The greatest honor a woodwose could receive is to be thrown into the pot, supposedly for deadliness in battle but it often ends up that the most popular and well liked wose get in there. For many wose this actually a relief because one has to be thrown in during the prime of their life. Outsiders are offered this honor more often than beastmen actually. In some cities, the idea of a "wild son" is recognized for when a beastman displays traits of a hero given to the pot. The recognition ranges anywhere from being equivalent to normal offspring to being bastards to being the originating family's property. The city of Vrast has gone as far as to make beastmen to be it's warrior caste.
GLOG Racial Features:
Perk:
Beast's Mutation: Roll three times on a mutation table, pick the one best suited for hunting and/or fighting.
Drawback:
Appetite: Need to eat twice as many rations.
Or roll on the Scrambled Race Table, until you get something sufficiently beastly.
The Folk under the Mountain
Dwarf, dvarger, gnome. If you ask a dwarf how it was born, they will scoff and say that they are forged from living metal. Like goblins that don't have parents in the human sense. There are the Deep Smiths that made them, but they don't raise gnomes. They stand distant and revered, working in their secret foundrys attended by masked spirits who barely speak in whispers. A dwarf is raised by their mentors who teaches them both the culture and craft of their people, just as their mentor did for them. Lineage is tracked through the bones, which are made of durable metal, rather than the perishable living metal. The souls of ancestors past are always with a dwarf, and are said to aid them in their time of need.You may ask as to why Dwarves are mentioned along side others born of the soup if they are forged? Well, it is a half-truth that dwarves are made of metal. Their skeletons are honestly forged, but "living metal" is not different from normal goblin flesh, it just grows around a titanium skeleton. The sacred smithies of the Deep Smiths look more like alchemical labs, where they spend day and night making sure that the soup has the right heat, the right amount of salt and the correct viscosity to produce ideal dwarves. The ones who turn out wrong either get killed or raised to be masked spirits that bare the gnomish secrets. In some holds they act as servants to the Deep Smiths, in others the Deep Smiths are more like go-betweens between the masked ones and the rest of dwarven society.
Such a secret would be to large to keep, deep down most dwarves are vaguely aware that something doesn't quite line up. They however ignore and rationalize away the inconsistencies just like humans do about their deeper secrets. Don't compare a dwarf to a goblin unless you want an ax to the face.
GLOG Racial Features:
Perk:
Fixate Bones: Your joints can be locked in place. You stand still for hours or hold a a hand position for hours without any movement or muscle cramps. Does take a moment to lock and unlock thought.
Drawback:
Heavy: You cannot swim, you sink like a stone.
If you want to play a Masked Spirit, you get the normal dwarven features, a mutation and a mask riveted to your face.
Post Script:
Does this count as part of the dwarf challenge? I do describe dwarves here, and I have participated in recent dwarf discourse, but this post is mostly about goblins.
